Season of 2006?!!
The season of 2006 is drawing to a close with NCC not far off and the school nationals just completed. Everything's fine with just one problem - I'm not in it. I feel strangely... empty. Empty, as all about me, my friends finish off their season. Some in high spirits, others in not so high spirits; but all relieved at the end of it all. Odd though it may sound, I'm rather envious of them at having completed yet another season. Maybe envious is the wrong word, but there are now times when I feel doubtful of my decision to leave after last year. I'm envious not because of their individual achievements; but I'm envious of them at having fought yet another season in a team. At having fight and train along side their teammates.
Training hard along side people creates an incredibly strong bond; and I guess I miss being in a tightly knitted team. I miss being amidst my teammates; fighting towards a common goal; looking out for each other in the knowledge that we would gladly trust each other with our own lives. I miss that close personal touch.
I daresay I'm one who hardly regrets my decisions; yet it is hard not to question myself if I had truly chosen the right path for myself this time round. There are times when I'm doubtful at my decision to leave after last year's season. Add to that the... guilt that I feel everytime I pass by macritchie. I know it sounds weird, but I do feel guilty when I go pass macritchie these days. Guilty because I'm not training together with my teammates when I should have been. These doubts and guilts do make me wonder at times if I had chosen rightly.
In such doubtful times, a closer examination of the factors involved at the decision making then is a good way to cast those doubts away. It serves to remind you of why you chose what you did. In this particular case, I left because I realised I couldn't possibly study for physics olympiad at the end of the year and carry on training with the team. There was simply not enough time to do them both and still cope with my research then. It was a cross-road, and I knew I had to make a choice to give either one up and concentrate on the other. In the end, I decided to go where I knew I would want to go in the future - physics. On hindsight, it seems like a stupid and foolish choice. I mean.. I didn't get any medals for spho or made it to the ipho/apho team. Heck, that I even made it to the ipho training team was probably a fluke of luck too. From a very pragmatic point of view then, my decision was a real bad screw up. Had I stayed on in canoeing, I would still probably be able to get a couple of medals (even though I doubt the colours would be anywhere near gold with the likes of my teammates around.. haha), but now, all I have is.... nothing. Granted, our research did pretty well; we managed to publish some parts of it with another university and we got gold at SSEF, but still, I think we would have gotten it had I carried on training. I should have been rather bitter actually. Haha. As to why I wasn't even sore about it, I'll explain it some other time. I'm sure, however, that those of you who read all my other previous post will have an inkling of what the main reason may be.
In any case, one of the reasons why I didn't feel bitter was because of how much I've learnt through all the physics olympiad trainings. You learn things which just aren't found in books. You're stretched to your limits mentally (I was really mentally exhausted after the 1st day from 0900hrs to 1700hrs.. real killer man). They teach you to see things in a different light and you realise that there are a lot of ways to solve a problem. Of course, it was a heck of an eye-opener too to see the.... ingenious people from the other junior colleges. All in all, I've certainly learnt and gained much. The big question is then.... was it worth it? Was the gain in knowledge worth sacrificing a season for? That's a difficult question to be honest; but here's my answer. For the medals in that season, yes; for the friendships that could have been forged or made stronger, no. No matter how much knowledge you gain, it would all be worthless at the very end because what is most priceless is neither knowledge, money or anything else... but the relationships that are forged among people and God. That's what makes us human. The ability to reach out to others; to laugh and cry together. To trust in those about us and to bring humanity further. The human spirit as it were.
So was it all worth it? I suppose I'm glad that I've learnt all that I've learnt; yet I sorely regret not being able to fight along side my teammates for the last time. I regret not being there with them. I miss the feeling of being in a close family. Well.... you gain some, you lose some I suppose. It'll be great if we could win them all; but our time is fixed at 24 hours a day.... and we can't change that. Time goes on incessantly as it always does.
Training hard along side people creates an incredibly strong bond; and I guess I miss being in a tightly knitted team. I miss being amidst my teammates; fighting towards a common goal; looking out for each other in the knowledge that we would gladly trust each other with our own lives. I miss that close personal touch.
I daresay I'm one who hardly regrets my decisions; yet it is hard not to question myself if I had truly chosen the right path for myself this time round. There are times when I'm doubtful at my decision to leave after last year's season. Add to that the... guilt that I feel everytime I pass by macritchie. I know it sounds weird, but I do feel guilty when I go pass macritchie these days. Guilty because I'm not training together with my teammates when I should have been. These doubts and guilts do make me wonder at times if I had chosen rightly.
In such doubtful times, a closer examination of the factors involved at the decision making then is a good way to cast those doubts away. It serves to remind you of why you chose what you did. In this particular case, I left because I realised I couldn't possibly study for physics olympiad at the end of the year and carry on training with the team. There was simply not enough time to do them both and still cope with my research then. It was a cross-road, and I knew I had to make a choice to give either one up and concentrate on the other. In the end, I decided to go where I knew I would want to go in the future - physics. On hindsight, it seems like a stupid and foolish choice. I mean.. I didn't get any medals for spho or made it to the ipho/apho team. Heck, that I even made it to the ipho training team was probably a fluke of luck too. From a very pragmatic point of view then, my decision was a real bad screw up. Had I stayed on in canoeing, I would still probably be able to get a couple of medals (even though I doubt the colours would be anywhere near gold with the likes of my teammates around.. haha), but now, all I have is.... nothing. Granted, our research did pretty well; we managed to publish some parts of it with another university and we got gold at SSEF, but still, I think we would have gotten it had I carried on training. I should have been rather bitter actually. Haha. As to why I wasn't even sore about it, I'll explain it some other time. I'm sure, however, that those of you who read all my other previous post will have an inkling of what the main reason may be.
In any case, one of the reasons why I didn't feel bitter was because of how much I've learnt through all the physics olympiad trainings. You learn things which just aren't found in books. You're stretched to your limits mentally (I was really mentally exhausted after the 1st day from 0900hrs to 1700hrs.. real killer man). They teach you to see things in a different light and you realise that there are a lot of ways to solve a problem. Of course, it was a heck of an eye-opener too to see the.... ingenious people from the other junior colleges. All in all, I've certainly learnt and gained much. The big question is then.... was it worth it? Was the gain in knowledge worth sacrificing a season for? That's a difficult question to be honest; but here's my answer. For the medals in that season, yes; for the friendships that could have been forged or made stronger, no. No matter how much knowledge you gain, it would all be worthless at the very end because what is most priceless is neither knowledge, money or anything else... but the relationships that are forged among people and God. That's what makes us human. The ability to reach out to others; to laugh and cry together. To trust in those about us and to bring humanity further. The human spirit as it were.
So was it all worth it? I suppose I'm glad that I've learnt all that I've learnt; yet I sorely regret not being able to fight along side my teammates for the last time. I regret not being there with them. I miss the feeling of being in a close family. Well.... you gain some, you lose some I suppose. It'll be great if we could win them all; but our time is fixed at 24 hours a day.... and we can't change that. Time goes on incessantly as it always does.
posted by Jun Yi at 11:53 PM
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