To live happily ever after
The end is now near; so near that you can smell it. Time really does flies. Just a year ago, at this time, we were all busily preparing for 'A's. And now, everyone is scattered across the world. I was just speaking to Leon yesterday, and we both came to a consensus that if there was one thing that we regretted not doing back in AC, it was to get to know some people better. It's amazing how people can seemingly come and go. Sometimes, it is temporary. Other times, it is forever. Yet, we all have only 24 hours. I chose to spent the bulk of my time helping Leon at this time of the year in 2006, and I certainly don't regret doing so. Neither indeed, do I regret the time spent in training or research. But I do regret not getting to know some people better. Still, with only the 24 hours entitled to me in a day, I guess I can't have it all.
I have been wondering of late, whether certain changes in myself have been for the good. Pride and ego can perhaps be helpful in certain situations. After all, more often than not, it is pride and ego that drives a person to want to be the best. Maybe that is why I now do not desire to fight for being best PT or any other 'best' in the army. To me, it doesn't really mean anything because I know with absolute certainty that whatever 'best' I acheive in the army would not quite be my personal best. It is absurb to suggest that the training in the army could possibly allow me to beat my personal best back when I was training 11 times a week, especially when 1 of those 11 trainings is roughly equivalent to 2 if not more times of army's physical training. Simply put, army's training is, quite understandably, not geared towards physical fitness. For this reason, I have never desired to be best PT, something which I think my instructors have trouble understanding and possibly mistake as laziness. Haha. Neither have I ever aimed for a sword during my stay in the course. Why? I don't quite know to be honest, but I suppose it is because I have never really gone the extra mile because I spend whatever free time I have thinking of non-army related stuff. I spend my time thinking about them because they are the things which I am meant to spend my time on. Still, I do what my duty requires of me in the army, but doing just that is certainly not agreeable to some instructors who would, understandably, expect the best from me. Haha. And of course, I suppose we have our differences. My idea of an officer is the one described in the ACS vision: Every ACSian a scholar, an officer and a gentlemen. Sadly, some of my instructors don't quite believe in that, especially the last part of the vision. Oh well. Maybe that's why some of them think I have an attitude problem, and I suppose my lack of fear of them exonerates this perception they have of me. I might be wrong, but it seems to me that my instructors here have more ego and seem to expect us to fear them. Well, the end is now near, and hopefully I can stay out of trouble in this last leg even with the instructors watching me intently for any mistakes I commit. Darn.
I don't quite know why, but these days, being the best of the best doesn't appeal to me anymore. It was a main driving force for me in the past. But somehow, all of that loses meaning now. So what if one is the best of the best? What comes after that? To me, it is but a matter of pride and ego. Sure it gives one a good boost of pride and ego, but other than that, I see no other purpose in the endeavour. Somehow, living itself loses its meaning. It is somewhat too 'easy' to just live for oneself, and increasingly, I feel that there is only meaning in life when one lives for someone else. To live for someone and for the greater good of humanity. I know it all sounds very idealistic and maybe that's my problem. Such idealism, sadly enough, just doesn't fit in the world. And it is rather depressing. Everywhere I look, I see only the same cold, cruel, realistic hard world. God's kingdom. Were it to come right now, then all our problems would be solved. For myself, I just wish that we could, like the characters in fairy tales, live happily ever after with the people we love.
On another note, I have been consumed by a few biblical verses which seem to have more meaning than usual.
'In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.' John 1:1-5
Most will take it to mean the Trinity, but if one reads it more literally, it seems to point to the very truth and origin of our universe. I cannot be sure yet, but it certainly has a lot of parallels to modern physics, and I'm trying to study more in order to understand it. Problem is, the physics that I have to digest and understand and still rather beyond me at this time, and I will need time to study it; a luxury which I do not possess at the moment. Haiz, that is why I say that for these 2 years, my life isn't quite my life. Regardless, I shall try my best to learn more about this matter despite my schedule. Hopefully, I will have more time after the 6th of November when all will indeed be over. Almost over anyway. Till then, God bless.
I have been wondering of late, whether certain changes in myself have been for the good. Pride and ego can perhaps be helpful in certain situations. After all, more often than not, it is pride and ego that drives a person to want to be the best. Maybe that is why I now do not desire to fight for being best PT or any other 'best' in the army. To me, it doesn't really mean anything because I know with absolute certainty that whatever 'best' I acheive in the army would not quite be my personal best. It is absurb to suggest that the training in the army could possibly allow me to beat my personal best back when I was training 11 times a week, especially when 1 of those 11 trainings is roughly equivalent to 2 if not more times of army's physical training. Simply put, army's training is, quite understandably, not geared towards physical fitness. For this reason, I have never desired to be best PT, something which I think my instructors have trouble understanding and possibly mistake as laziness. Haha. Neither have I ever aimed for a sword during my stay in the course. Why? I don't quite know to be honest, but I suppose it is because I have never really gone the extra mile because I spend whatever free time I have thinking of non-army related stuff. I spend my time thinking about them because they are the things which I am meant to spend my time on. Still, I do what my duty requires of me in the army, but doing just that is certainly not agreeable to some instructors who would, understandably, expect the best from me. Haha. And of course, I suppose we have our differences. My idea of an officer is the one described in the ACS vision: Every ACSian a scholar, an officer and a gentlemen. Sadly, some of my instructors don't quite believe in that, especially the last part of the vision. Oh well. Maybe that's why some of them think I have an attitude problem, and I suppose my lack of fear of them exonerates this perception they have of me. I might be wrong, but it seems to me that my instructors here have more ego and seem to expect us to fear them. Well, the end is now near, and hopefully I can stay out of trouble in this last leg even with the instructors watching me intently for any mistakes I commit. Darn.
I don't quite know why, but these days, being the best of the best doesn't appeal to me anymore. It was a main driving force for me in the past. But somehow, all of that loses meaning now. So what if one is the best of the best? What comes after that? To me, it is but a matter of pride and ego. Sure it gives one a good boost of pride and ego, but other than that, I see no other purpose in the endeavour. Somehow, living itself loses its meaning. It is somewhat too 'easy' to just live for oneself, and increasingly, I feel that there is only meaning in life when one lives for someone else. To live for someone and for the greater good of humanity. I know it all sounds very idealistic and maybe that's my problem. Such idealism, sadly enough, just doesn't fit in the world. And it is rather depressing. Everywhere I look, I see only the same cold, cruel, realistic hard world. God's kingdom. Were it to come right now, then all our problems would be solved. For myself, I just wish that we could, like the characters in fairy tales, live happily ever after with the people we love.
On another note, I have been consumed by a few biblical verses which seem to have more meaning than usual.
'In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.' John 1:1-5
Most will take it to mean the Trinity, but if one reads it more literally, it seems to point to the very truth and origin of our universe. I cannot be sure yet, but it certainly has a lot of parallels to modern physics, and I'm trying to study more in order to understand it. Problem is, the physics that I have to digest and understand and still rather beyond me at this time, and I will need time to study it; a luxury which I do not possess at the moment. Haiz, that is why I say that for these 2 years, my life isn't quite my life. Regardless, I shall try my best to learn more about this matter despite my schedule. Hopefully, I will have more time after the 6th of November when all will indeed be over. Almost over anyway. Till then, God bless.
posted by Jun Yi at 4:20 PM
1 Comments:
I read your blog with mixed feeling; both sad and happy. Sad that you seem to have negative thought and troubles with your instructors in the army. Happy in the sense that you are,or have alway being very matured and possess very unique views which are so pure and extraordinary at your age. Pride and ego is indeed some of your instructors may have and hence they expect respect and compliance. To a certain extent, I can also understand their feeling. One possibility is that to some instructors, they may think you have the talent, potential and capability to drive yourself to be the best, if you want to (e.g. you got best PT award before). But unfortunately you choose not to with you own reasons which they can't really understand. That really annoys them. No doubt that you are a very idealistic person, but don't forget that we are not living in an ideal world. The rule of survival for the fittest always fits and you need to know the rules of the game when you are in it. Although you are a man with character, sometimes to bow is not a sign of weakness, it is to prepare for the greater success later on in life. It is always good to be positive and think positive. Any unfavourable condition or situation can also turn out to be good or not too bad after all, if one can think and look at things at a different perspective and adopt a different attitude. May god bless you always.
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