Who are we living for?

It is interesting to ask the question: 'Who am I living for?'. A few years ago, I would have answered, 'myself'. Nevertheless, that answer isn't complete. It may be true that we're responsible for our own lives, but our lives do not quite wholly belong to us. Our lives belong not so much to ourselves as it does to those who are close to us. They belong to our parents, siblings and close friends because it is those who are left behind that feel the pain. Indeed, it would be a shame for us to live recklessly or to throw ours lives away rashly. I have no doubt in my mind that most of us are aware of that, whether consciously or sub-consciously. Yet, there are times when that awareness gets so sub-conscious that we simply live by the edge, believing ourselves to be invulnerable. Perhaps it is a good reminder for myself. Much as I will enjoy diving, mountain climbing, and hiking, it is always worth remembering that life is fragile. The simple fact is that we are not invulnerable; and that vulnerability doesn't hurt us - it hurts those who love us. We would all do well not to live carelessly.

Even the mightiest man will fall by a single arrow. It doesn't matter how great we are; we are still just humans, made of flesh and blood. A single bullet, a single arrow, a virus infection, a car accident... anything. It can be that fast and deadly, even to the fittest, even to those who are wise, even to the best of the best. Much as we who are alive and well take it for granted, life is fragile. It could here one day and gone the next. We might never know what hit us. For those who love us, it is the least we could do by living carefully.

The Hols so far.... and Merry Christmas!

Much has happened since the morning broke on the 6th of December, 2006. I left for Thailand for a couple of days in the evening. The island we visited was smaller than Singapore, but ironically, has quite a couple of peaks which are more than 600m above sea level and hence can, as I remember vaguely from the geography lessons in Sec 1 and 2, be classified as mountains. Poor Singapore however, has only Bukit Timah Hill to be content with. Oh well.

The night sky there was quite pretty; lots of stars in the clear atmosphere with lesser light pollution to that which I am accustomed to here in Singapore. Staring out into the dark sky that is littered by countless stars have always been one of my favourite pastimes. It just fills me with such amazement everytime I look up into the night sky. Since we were on an island/beach resort, the view is even more breathtaking since we were staring up into the dark sky on a beach, with the waves gently lapping along the shores and the salty tang of the sea brushing against our faces with the cool breeze. The sea was pitch black, save for a small strip which was illuminated by a shaft of moonlight from the heavens above. It was truly a beautiful sight. Looking out into the vastness of the sea and then into the heavens above just overwhelms me as it has always done. Humanity has came a long way, but for all that we know and are capable of, we are still so insignficant in this vast universe. Just a tiny speck of blue in the vastness of space and time. Insignificant yet significant. Insignificant because compared to the great forces of this world, it sometimes seem that we are powerless against its inexorable tides. Yet, it is significant because caught in all this vastness and chaos, everything fell in place in our neighbourhood that we may come about. Indeed, it is the insignificance of ourselves that ironically adds significance to our existence here in this universe. Haha, sounds very contradicting and paradoxical, but I daresay that I do have a valid point here. To those who know me, I think you'll know where I'll lead to from here; but I shall not carry on further. Haha, this point has been touched rather too often here I think.

The night was beautiful; beautiful in a different way from that of the morning but beautiful nonetheless. Yet, even as I stared out into the dark sea, I wondered at how terrible the sea and the darkness could be. Imagine being shipwrecked and floating on the sea at night in utter darkness with the seas raging all about you. It would have been a most disturbing experience to be caught in the wrath of nature in the middle of a dark night. The fear would have been stifling. Speaking of being caught in the wrath of nature, haha, I had a little experience of being caught in the middle of a pouring storm recently. Leon and myself were running from school towards Mount Faber when the heavens simply opened its flood gates. I felt more like swimming after just a few minutes, being completely soaked from head to toe. Even the dense foilage above us was of no shelter and 'waterfalls' soon began rushing past us everywhere. There wasn't much point in running through that freezing rain, so we decided to take a break and have some hot drinks before carrying on. It seems as though the rain was poking fun at us throughout the entire night though; it would lighten as we rested in the comfort of dry shelters and get heavier as we got out to carry on with the journey. It was a cold, freezing run, with winds which just take the warmth away from you. It was quite an experience, sipping some drinks while hiding out from the torrential rain in the comfort of the shelter over at vivo, although I couldn't quite say that of my fall thanks to the slippery ground. Haha, still, it was fun while it lasted I guess.

One of the fun things about running is that it gets you somewhere. Haha. It's quite 'duh', but honestly, running gets you to places which can be scenic or it might just be fun to run to someone's place just to give them a surprise visit. Haha. I ran to Sam's house just a couple of days ago, simply because I couldn't think of anywhere else to run from my place. I didn't quite like the idea of running in the wild with nothing to see but wild grass and factories, so going up north wasn't much of an option. Going east and west was just, well, mundane with nothing interesting. South however, could be slightly better since I remember that over at Sam's place was an uphill terrain. Thus it was that I arrived at his place, only to see his dad out at the garage. Haha, thinking it would be polite, I called out and ended up playing basketball with Sam. Haha, random but fun. Randomness always seems to add in some fun factor.

It so happened that the junior team went to stay over at Qiang's house just the next day, so haha, saw Sam for two straight consecutive days. It was rather fun; took Qiang's dog, Roger, out for a walk as usual. Haha. I think he can really recognise me now. =D. Silly dog was bounding up to me when we first let him out, think he was really bored. Anyway, we walked rather far; all the way to indoor stadium. The weather was perfect for bringing out Roger for a walk, at least before it started raining. We stopped halfway at Macs to get some food for the rest of the guys, and then headed back, reaching Qiang's house at about 2 in the morning. haha. I'm looking foward to 31st now, when we're going to stay over a second time, and this time we'll bring Roger all the way to the esplanade to watch the fireworks. Time seems to be running short for me now, with diving and driving ongoing and NS on 11th January.

Well, its Christmas tomorrow! A year has just gone by. Amazing how time flies. It wasn't too long ago that I was still preparing for J2 and was busy with research at the end of last year. In some ways, J2 was easier than J1 for me, simply because back in J1 I was still with the team. Leaving the team has and will always be a monumental decision to me. It was a milestone of some sorts, and it changed the course of my J2 life. From a student-athelte to a student-researcher? Haha. It didn't seem too long ago when we were fighting it out for World Juniors, it didn't seem too long ago when I was going to NIE everyday, and neither did it seem to long ago when I first accepted Christ. Nevertheless, they are distant in a sense. Distant and in another world as it were. Too much has happened with too many complex emotions for me to accurately write them down. Well, at this time of the year on Christmas's Eve, I guess I should just thank God for everything that has happened over the past 2 years. Some were unpleasant experiences, others were pleasant; but I believe that in Christ, I will one day by able to see how all those unpleasant experiences can be used by Him to create something good. Incidentally, I think that optimism is a characteristic which all children of God should have. I used to try to be optimistic simply because being optimistic keeps you sane and going during difficult and rough times. But I now have a better reason to be optimistic. I'm optimistic now because I know that everything, in Christ, will be fine. Its strange though; my older self would have viewed my present self as well... irrational? weird? Nah, probably just irrational. And I guess my older self could hardly be considered wrong. After all, I don't have solid, material evidence to prove that my present self is right; and I'm convinced that we won't be able to ever get it. At the bottom of it all, is quite simply, faith. Faith which by itself is blind or the word loses its meaning. In a sense, I was fortunate and thankful that God was gracious enough to touch my life so directly, that my faith didn't need to be completely blind since I know for a fact that He exists. Nevertheless, blessed are those who have not seen but yet believe. Indeed, blessed are they for it takes a huge amount of faith to believe in something which is completely unseen. Still, it is not that God does not work among us but that we too often dismiss His works as either that of coincidence or that of Man. Discerning eyes and ears are perhaps one of the most valuable assets anyone could hope to possess. Thank you, Father, for all that You've done. Thank you for sending down Your Son on what we now call Christmas, for us who were then unworthy of You.

Merry Christmas to everyone out there!

Team Hoyt

For this post to make any sense, I'm afraid you'll have to first go to Xue Yi's blog and read up on Team Hoyt there, and then watch the video.

I just have to blog about this; that's how deep an impact Team Hoyt had on me. It truly is a most touching story of how an unconditional love and determination has literally and figuratively scaled mountains and crossed seas. Thank God for such people, who being filled with such overwhelming and unconditional love, provides a relief from the cold, hard world of modern society. Praise God for such men who are striking examples that love can overcome the cruel world. May God bless them richly.

I can only aspire to be such a person, to be able to love and sacrifice so unconditionally, to be so determined to sacrifice for someone without any conditions but just out of pure love. That's the essence of being human, its the whole essence of humanity. The warmth of humanity - unconditional love, which Dick in Team Hoyt has exemplified so well. Words are failing me even as I attempt to carry on blogging, there's just no words in which I can find to adequately describe what I'm feeling. The video is honestly touching to the extreme, and I'm not ashamed to say that tears did formed and rolled. It's simply amazing. More so when you consider how difficult it is for Dick, especially to drag a boat while swimming; it would require no less than a supernatural effort. Not for money, not for fame, but just because his son liked sports. Just out of plain, simple love. Truly, such a feat belittles all that I have accomplished. Training twice a day, coping with research, term examinations at the end of the holidays and living by myself seems like such a small thing in comparision to all that Dick has done. I can only imagine the obstacles. Training after work, not to do just marathons or triathlons, but to do them while pushing/dragging along someone else. I can only imagine the full magnitude of such a task. My most heartfelt and sincere respect and admiration to Team Hoyt. Salutes. Thank and Praise God for them and their family, who serve so well as a modern reminder of the power of love and how love can indeed overcome the world. I can only imagine how difficult it was for the family to cope with Rick's condition; but despite it all, they did it. Amazing. Just amazing.

No one likes obstacles or difficulties, but it is only through them that such warmth and love can be most evidently seen. It is through difficult times that God's love can be most readily seen and felt. Not that it isn't there when we're going through good times, but more often than not, we mislead ourselves into thinking that the good times are a result of our hard work, forgetting that every good and perfect gift comes from our Father in heaven. It is ironic how the devil tries to upset us by throwing obstacles at us, for it is in our times of weaknesses that God's power is made perfect. It is in difficult times when others and ourselves can most easily see the power and love of God; it is in such times when testaments of the love of God cannot be denied even by those who do not yet believe. Truly, it is as what Paul has written, that 'Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong'. Sounds paradoxical at first glance, but completely true indeed. Praise and Thank God for his unfailing and unconditional love.

Morning has Broken

Morning has broken, like the first morning.
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird.
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning;
Praise for the springing fresh from the world.

Sweet the rain's new fall, sunlit from heaven.
Like the first dew fall, on the first grass.
Praise for the sweetness, of the wet garden;
Sprung in completeness, where his feet pass.

Mine in the sunlight, mine is the morning.
Born of the one light, Eden saw play.
Praise with elation, praise every morning;
God's recreation of a new day.


It is a pity that the sun did not fully reveal herself in all her glory and majesty, choosing to hide shyly behind a veil of clouds of which we would have welcomed more gladly in former days. Alas, alas, that she should decide not to shower us in her full warmth and radiance after a cold night.

Nevertheless, Praise and Thank God for the coming of a new morning and of a new day. Praise and Thank God for friendship and brotherhood. Praise and Thank God for all the wonderful works in which He has done.

Farewell now Kallang; it may be long before I shall see you once again or see the sun rise over your waters. The fond and dear memories there shall never be forgotten, for it was there where I became to large extent who I am today. It was where battles were fought, where sweat flowed freely and where blood was shed together. The bonds forged there shall never be forgotten.