'Officer Commanding, Zulu Company': "My marriage was a mistake."

The last 3 weeks have been relatively easy going for me (hence the time for this post). My daily schedule consists of learning more about our vehicles/weapons from 0730hrs to around 1700hrs at Ayer Rajar Camp where I'm currently attending a mandatory course for all newly commissioned armour officers. It was somewhat interesting (for me at least) to learn more on how our vehicles/weapons work. Besides, talking with our instructors who consisted of civillian DXOs as well as staff and master sergeants, was insightful if not entertaining.

Of course, most of the insightful conversations cannot be discussed here, but I shall share some of the more entertaining discussions. There was a certain instructor, who while watching us dismantle a component from the vehicle, started to share with us his "best advice" for us. Haha.

Him: (With a perfectly straight face) "My best advice for all you guys is to remain single. My marriage was a mistake."

Me: (in shock) "How could you say that?!" (I really do pity his wife if he was telling the truth; Thankfully, I doubt that he was.)

Him: "Its true. If I hadn't married, I would have been at least a captain by now."

One of us: "But surely, family is more important than work."

Him: "Nah, nowadays, there are so many computer games that can last a lifetime. If I hadn't married, I would then have the time to finish them all." (I can imagine Barry fainting if he ever reads this)

Another one of us: "But getting married gives one an additional reason to work. Life is too easy if one is single."

And so the conversation continues on. Haha. Sometimes, I don't even know if our instructor is joking (I sure hope, for both his wife and his own sake, that he is). Somehow, it seemed really strange to hear those words coming from his wizened lips. Haha. But beyond the amusement from those conversations, I was reminded of a similar conversation which I once had with my friend's mum. I remember we were talking about my coach and why he, being such an eligible single, was still not married after so many years. One of the conclusions which we came to was that he has spent too much of his personal time grooming and training us. Considering that I used to see him up to 5 times a week for training after school hours (he was a teacher at my school too), such a conclusion was not without basis. And that, in a way, made me felt rather bad. If training and grooming me into who I am has cost him what I consider to be one of life's greatest joy, then I would rather that he has never made me into who I am because I would never be able to repay such a sacrifice. Yet, I'm quite sure that he has never regretted spending so much time on us. "It wasn't easy Jun Yi, but if I could do it all over again, I would choose to do the same thing." These were his exact words that he said to me when I asked him if it was worth the effort. And that really touched me. Perhaps he has never considered marriage as one of life's greatest joy, but I highly doubt it. It's true that I've never asked him that question before, but I would think that he values it as much as the rest of us do. Yet, he chose us rather than happiness for himself. Why? I don't know to be honest. But my friend's mum and I concluded that it was probably because he had a strong sense of purpose in seeing us become who we are today. Training us into who we are today was some sort of a calling to him.

My friend's mum then went on to tell me of yet another person whom she knew and thought was an extremely eligible single, but who has similarly, chosen to remain single. Incidentally, he too is an ACSian and a doctor by profession. An accomplished doctor who runs a private clinic, this unsung ACSian is part of a group of noble doctors who voluntarily goes over to Africa to help treat its improvished and disease strickened people for free. He typically leaves for a few months at any single stretch to provide free medical services for the poor; and since his is a private clinic, it means that for those few months, he is practically without income. Given his frequent abroad stays, it is perhaps not difficult to understand why he isn't married. Nevertheless, he could have simply chosen the easy way out as many doctors here do by simply living a comfortable, stable life in their homeland. However, this man has chosen to make a difference to those in Africa at the expense of his own happiness and fortune. Why? As with my coach, I believe that he felt a calling to do so. Only a strong sense of purpose could have sustained him in doing what he believed in when the majority of his peers sat by uncaringly, seeking rather to treat the richer who can better afford their expensive services. (I'm not against all doctors, but I'm against certain specialists who charge so ridiculously high for even the simplest of things. I can understand if modern medicine, given the cost of its research, comes at an high cost. But certainly, the poor should at least be spared from the high cost of consultation services. It is sad, but I fear that there are some doctors these days who lack that which is perhaps most vital in their profession - compassion. I know I sound naively idealistic, but doctors have a most sacred skill, and I strongly feel that with such skills come a certain responsibility.)

Our conversations with that particular instructor led me to ponder about the all too familiar yet strange thing called 'marriage'. God made man and woman and destined for them to be united as one in marriage. Yet, there has always been godly men and women who chose to remain single so that they may do what I deem is their calling from God. Paul himself was an example. However, as Paul himself wrote, he has never desired to get married. In fact, he considered this one of his 'gift'. His writings do make me wonder though, whether those who chose to give up on marriage ever thought of marriage as one of life's greatest joy. Perhaps some of them never thought quite so highly of marriage, yet I'm quite certain that there are some too, who did. My question to those who did then, is why not? Is it because they were always too busy with their calling? If so, they would have made a huge sacrifice. Or perhaps the lack of someone suitable? On an even more profound level, I wonder what God's will for them were. Did he meant for them to be with that special someone? After all, he created man and woman to be together. Yet at the same time, he has made it such that some of his people should be single. I suppose it is quite pointless asking such 'why' questions since God hardly ever answers 'why', and who indeed, can know His mind? Nevertheless, I can't help but wonder at them, and hopefully, I will one day know the answers to them.

I vow to Thee, My Country/ The Answer

I happened to chance upon the song The Answer by Corrinne May recently. It was so amazingly sweet and refreshing. Haha. Apparently, the melody was originally composed by Gustav Holst in the early 20th century. The original hymn's title is (yes, you've guessed it) I vow to Thee, My Country. While the original lyrics has been criticised as being overly patriotic, I still feel that it is a great hymn with a beautiful melody. It kinda makes me miss the hymns that we used to sing back in ACS(I). Somehow, I still prefer traditional hymns. Perhaps it is because their melodies are sweeter and more peaceful. I don't quite have a sweet tooth for food, but I'll admit that I do like sweet melodies (who wouldn't?). In any case, is there anyone out there who knows of churches who still sing such traditional hymns?

Anyway, here's I vow to Thee, My Country.


And here's The Answer.

2008

I distinctly remember writing a similar entry to this one exactly a year ago. Back then, I had just gotten back from my overnight stay at Zi Qiang's house and I was feeling particularly groggy after having stayed up the entire night. It was a memorable way to enter a new year and I couldn't help reflecting upon the differences as I stood watching the fireworks erupt before and above me with a wine glass in my hand just 20 or so hours before. Compared to last year's racing on bikes from Changi to Esplanade to catch the fireworks, this year's watching was somewhat more elagant. Yet, I miss the fun and that company of friends. Haha. It has been a long time since we had a junior team gathering. That said, I met Ryan, Wei Li, Amanda, Wei Ling and Andrea when I went down to Macritchie on Christmas with the original intent of running. I ended up paddling after my run with Leon, Colin and Ee Ghim. It felt really good to paddle again after all these years. Sometimes, I do still question myself if I made the right decision to leave; but deep down, I guess I know that it was a right choice. My path does goes elsewhere. Nevertheless, it was great to see all of them again. And it was certainly encouraging to see them training even on Christmas. I suppose seeing the women team clinch two bronze medals in the SEA games is a heck of a morale booster. Alas, we guys still have to work a lot harder. Regardless, here's my warmest congratulations to the women team, who after all their hard work and sacrifice, finally managed to obtain a tangible reward. Great job guys, or rather, girls! Haha.

Watching the fireworks explode directly in front and above of one is certainly an awe-inspiring event. Especially when one is on the 19th level of a building with nothing obstructing the view and a wine glass in one's hand. Nevertheless, even as I watched the magnificent display of fireworks erupt into flowers and showers of myriad colours, I was struck by a line which I had read from a book recently. It was from an account of an Iraqi veteran and it goes something like: 'Whenever I hear fireworks these days, my instinctive reaction is to duck'. I do not know why, but that line just struck me for no reason as I looked up into the colour filled night sky. And I was reminded that even as I stood there in comfort, there are many others for whom the future is uncertain. Why am I so lucky? I don't know. All I know is that I should be really grateful for God's grace, and to treasure everything that He has so kindly given to me, so that I may do His will while I'm in this world and, hopefully, be able to give those others a better future. At the same time, I couldn't help but be reminded at how science can be both used to create artillery shells and fireworks. And I pray that my work in science would be used to further, not destroy humanity.

At this moment, I think it is only right that I should give a tribute to Benazir Bhutto who has so bravely died trying to make a difference. The world sorely needs more Benazir Bhuttos. It needs more people who are willing to step out, even in the face of death threats, to give democracy and peace a chance. To Benazir Bhutto, I salute you for your selfless courage. To those despicable and depraved terrorists who have resorted to even killing an unarmed woman, I pray that the Lord will have mercy upon your souls. And to those who are out there, enduring bomb threats and trying to bring peace to the world even while the rest of the world celebrates the new year with fireworks, I salute you also for your selfless acts. May the Lord be with you all and may He give you all a peace which surpasses all understanding.

To end off, I would like to quote Psalm 19, verses 1 to 4.

'The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.
There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.'

Amazing.